Porcelain in a Paper Cup World

Note***That title has absolutely nothing to do with this post. But it's my favorite quote from the song below. Whatch the video. It's epic.***




My first week of work went quite well. In fact - it went unexpectedly well. The company I'm working for is sooooo much better than the last one! They care about their employees and their clients. It's quite refreshing after what I had to put up with over the past 4 years. There's potential for growth and far more room for personal creativity. There's also no helicopter boss. That's the best part. I'm free to do my job and I do it well. 
The 2nd best part is that we don't accept Medicaid. These people are responsible for paying for their own drug addiction treatment. This means that most of them are there because they actually WANT to get sober. Not because they've been court ordered to get sober or because the heroin supply is running dry. We have a few exceptions - but for the most part the clientele is far better. After 4 years of entitled Medicaid patients, I am overjoyed to be working with a different population. 
Now don't get me wrong - I don't have a problem with people who are on Medicaid... temporarily. But I DO think that it would only be fair for the government to drug test them before they are approved for it. And randomly tested from there on out. I have to be drug tested before I can get a job to pay my taxes to pay for their Medicaid. Fair is fair. What's that you say? They are protected by the Americans with Disability Act? I have a disability too. I'm fucking crazy. But I still get up and go to work every day. 
Now that I've gotten that out of my system... How about some music?
  

This is not a shiny, happy post.

So.... The quitting smoking thing failed - for now. I blame my boss - God love her. Well... it isn't actually her fault per se - it's work in general. She's the boss though, so she gets to be the scapegoat. That's what you get with the pay raise you receive when agreeing to be the manager. Middle managers should be renamed scapegoats. That's why I refuse to be one. 
The past week has been absolute hell. I feel like I am living in an alternate universe. I can't leave work at work and enjoy my time at home - because I'm constantly worried about what I'm going to have to deal with at work the next day. I may go off the radar a bit this weekend. I need to unplug. 

{via}

I found out yesterday that one of my clients died by overdose. Sure - it's expected in the field I work in. It doesn't make it any easier to have to deal with. I've been combing through the year she was in treatment with us trying to figure out what I could've done to prevent it - to predict it. But when it all boils down, those who truly intend to take their own lives don't tell people that they are planning to do it. If they truly want to end their lives, they don't call crisis or suicide hotlines. They just do it. 
This news comes after I learn one of my pregnant clients decided to have a late term abortion. She tested positive for pregnancy back in the fall... Her baby could've survived outside of the womb. When I asked her why she chose to abort it at this point instead of just giving it up for adoption she said "I could never do that."
OH! Because killing it is a better option?!?! 
As someone who wants to have children but is unable to at the moment - this whole entire situation infuriated me. We all have varying opinions on abortion - mine is that it's murder. At any stage. You know what causes pregnancy - take precautions. If you got pregnant, you were supposed to. Don't kill it. 
I don't want to get into a whole abortion debate - I just wanted you to know my opinion on it so that you could understand how difficult it was for me to sit in my office listening to this and not throw things at this girl. 
I won't even start on the type of doctor that would do an abortion at this stage. I was so disturbed I had to research it - apparently late term abortions aren't illegal in the state of Arizona. They should be. What I discovered was horrifying - and I am going to pray for her immortal soul for having done it. 
So... This weekend I'm going to try to relax and get some much needed stuff done around the house. If you don't hear from me for a day or two, that's why. Tomorrow is going to be a horrible day at work too. When it's over I may just crash. I'm not in a good spot at the moment. I wish this was a more positive post - but if I'm not feeling shiny and happy I'm not good at faking it...

An update on my work situation & Music For The Morning!

First off - I'd like to update you all a bit on things I discussed in this post...

I talked with my boss, my friend - extensively about how I was feeling and just pretty much told her everything.


EVERYTHING! 

(God love her for putting up with me...)

I told her about my concerns that our work relationship was ruining our friendship. I told her that I felt she had made it clear that the job was more important than our friendship. Among many, many other things. I admit that I am not a perfect employee - I have my faults.

And I'm happy to report that I over-reacted. I allowed the stress of working in this type of an environment to build up on me - and so had she - and we both just kind of let it get to us. Working in our line of work can be rather thankless and stressful. The good news is that we've grown from this, talked it through and will do better as we move forward.

So instead of letting things build up again - and literally make both of us physically ill - we're going to stand together instead of apart. And I didn't lose my best friend. That's the best part! Working with (and in my case, for) a good friend is a challenge - but it can be done. My biggest challenge was in trying to express to her my feelings without hurting her's. I hope that I have successfully done this now and I believe that I have.

Now for some music!


It's Sugarland week here at Belle Of The Desert! (but isn't every week, really? :)