Tuesday, March 18, 2014

HI!!!

It's been almost a year!

Didya miss me? Huh? Didya? 

Did ya'll even notice? Nah. Probably not. I won't apologize for my absence because the fact is - I went out and got a life. Not much time for bloggin'. But I miss it so I need to make time! 

But what I wanted to tell ya'll - is that Shamelia has started a revolution...

I now have 3 horses total. Long story... But the important thing that I want to share is that I'm happier than I have ever been. I still have some major things going on but the one thing I've missed for 15 years, the only thing I've ever truly had a passion for - Arabian Horses - are back in my life & that's monumental. I hope I never have to live passionless again... 
 

Friday, July 19, 2013

Shamelia

I'd like to introduce you all to the newest member of my family, Shamelia. She's my new purebred Arabian mare. For those of you who have known me for a while, you already know how much I love horses and how the first part of my life was dedicated to them. Well, I'm back. And Shamelia is my new pride and joy!

So without further ado, meet Shamelia....







Shamelia is by S-Shah Bask, out of NV Araddinn. 
Her pedigree reads like a Who's Who of Arabian horses!

Shamelia's full sister Shahamia  (pictured below) is a Canadian Reserve National Champion Mare.

Greatness runs in the family, below is a picture and video of Shamelia's "nephew", Shahamia's son Exclusive Psy.

The nephew in action...

Saturday, May 11, 2013

What a difference a pill makes...



I fought it... I didn't want to be on medication for the rest of my life. But what a difference being back on anti-depressants has made for me. I look back at some of the things I did and thought while I was off of them and damn... I made bad choices. I did - and especially thought - some things that are completely out of character for me.

I'm happy to report that I am finally out of that depression hole I was in. My life isn't perfect - of course - but it doesn't feel completely hopeless anymore either. The sense of desperation that was haunting me over the state of my life is almost gone, and fading by the day. I no longer feel the urge to do something drastic in an attempt to change my life, like moving to another state. Again. The anxiety I felt about not being where I wanted to be at this point in my life is gone too - and I am able to recognize that I am doing things that will get me where I want to go. It just isn't going to happen overnight. I am fully capable of accomplishing all I want in this life - and I will.

Now it's time to get back to being Me. Strong minded, goal-oriented, always-goes-after-and-gets-what-she-wants Me. I am not depression, I am not anxiety. Those are things I have to deal with, but they don't define Me. I define Me - and I'm wonderful.




Saturday, April 27, 2013

Bleeding Update

I have now been on birth control pills again for two months. The good news is that this past month there were days - almost 2 full weeks even - when I didn't have to wear a pad or tampon. I actually got to go swimming and lay out by my pool without worry for the first time in about a year. That felt amazing!

The first month on BC pills - I still bled throughout the month, though it wasn't as heavy. Then when the period week came I thought I was going to die. Seriously. Not even kidding. I lost 9 pounds in a weekend - which I'm assuming was due to the massive amounts of blood I was losing - because I was eating everything in sight to keep my energy up. And the cramps... oh the cramps! I thought I was in labor for 5 days straight. Granted - I've never been in labor before so I don't know the exact pain comparison, but I'm thinking I have a pretty good idea now. If it feels like someone is ripping your insides out of your body through your lady parts - then I got it. The pain shot down into my legs, it rendered me incapable of movement. I just laid in bed crying and trying to focus on breathing in an attempt to get some sort of control over it. It didn't work...

That was at the end of last month - I'm coming off the end of period week, month two now and it was even worse. The 3 non-period weeks were far better - as I mentioned before. I was never 100% not-bleeding, but it was much, MUCH improved. I started to feel some normalcy re-enter my world this month. I had energy to go places - and actually wanted to go places. Until the period week hit. It has been a complete nightmare. I was rendered incapable of working and had to take an extra day off due to the frequency of bathroom visits and intensity of pain levels. You simply can't do your job when you work at a hospital if you are having to visit the restroom once an hour - or more. You don't get to sit down and rest when a cramp hits. You just have to keep going.

I found myself at my primary care physician's office yesterday morning crying & begging him to let me start the new month of birth control pills 2 days early so that the madness would stop. He said yes. I started them yesterday and today I am starting to feel halfway normal again. I also asked him for a referral to a new OBGYN. I realize that this means I will have to start over again with the tests and such - but there simply must be something my current OBGYN is missing. How can there possibly be no cause for this? So it's time for another opinion, I think. 

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