Taking a Turn

Hello world!

I will be taking this blog in a new direction in the future. I will be using it to promote mental health awareness and body acceptance. These are two issues that are close to my heart and that I feel compelled to write about. I hope that my experiences will help others to live their best lives, as I strive to live mine.

[photo cred]

I am a 39 year old small business owner. I am single right now, have no children and have never been married. I have struggled with chronic anxiety & depression for as long as I can remember. I had my first panic attack that I can vividly recall when I was 5 years old. They became a normal thing throughout my life. A few years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. Throughout my years of therapy and doctors, I've been diagnosed with PTSD also and a super (not at all) fun thing called dysthymic disorder, which basically means that you live with a chronic, constant, low grade depression... for YEARS. 

In addition to mental issues, I've also battled my weight my entire life. The two are related to, at least in part. I also have PCOS, which makes losing weight extremely hard for me. It has some other crappy side effects but I'll spare you the gory details. I've spent my days thus far putting life on hold until I was thinner. Everything I tried to do, I was told I couldn't do because I was fat. Or I should wait until I lost some weight... I was never good enough, because I'm fat... "I'll date when I'm thin... I'll wear that outfit when I'm thin... I'll go on that vacation when I'm thin..."

I bought into what people were telling me. I've missed out on so much, I'm tired of living like that! I will no longer put my life on the back burner because I'm fat. I will no longer try to appear to be small to avoid scorn. Why should I? It's making no one but me miserable. I'm going to start fully living my life, fat or not, in the body that I have right now & I no longer care if people don't like it. I've missed out on too much. I've sold myself short too much. It stops now.

4 years ago I went after my dream, left my safe hospital job and started a horse riding school. I'm a fat woman working in an industry that looks firmly down on overweight people. I'm frequently labeled as no good at what I do by people who have never met me, just because I'm fat. I'm going to succeed in this life anyway.

Care to join me?