So.... The quitting smoking thing failed - for now. I blame my boss - God love her. Well... it isn't actually her fault per se - it's work in general. She's the boss though, so she gets to be the scapegoat. That's what you get with the pay raise you receive when agreeing to be the manager. Middle managers should be renamed scapegoats. That's why I refuse to be one.
The past week has been absolute hell. I feel like I am living in an alternate universe. I can't leave work at work and enjoy my time at home - because I'm constantly worried about what I'm going to have to deal with at work the next day. I may go off the radar a bit this weekend. I need to unplug.
I found out yesterday that one of my clients died by overdose. Sure - it's expected in the field I work in. It doesn't make it any easier to have to deal with. I've been combing through the year she was in treatment with us trying to figure out what I could've done to prevent it - to predict it. But when it all boils down, those who truly intend to take their own lives don't tell people that they are planning to do it. If they truly want to end their lives, they don't call crisis or suicide hotlines. They just do it.
This news comes after I learn one of my pregnant clients decided to have a late term abortion. She tested positive for pregnancy back in the fall... Her baby could've survived outside of the womb. When I asked her why she chose to abort it at this point instead of just giving it up for adoption she said "I could never do that."
OH! Because killing it is a better option?!?!
As someone who wants to have children but is unable to at the moment - this whole entire situation infuriated me. We all have varying opinions on abortion - mine is that it's murder. At any stage. You know what causes pregnancy - take precautions. If you got pregnant, you were supposed to. Don't kill it.
I don't want to get into a whole abortion debate - I just wanted you to know my opinion on it so that you could understand how difficult it was for me to sit in my office listening to this and not throw things at this girl.
I won't even start on the type of doctor that would do an abortion at this stage. I was so disturbed I had to research it - apparently late term abortions aren't illegal in the state of Arizona. They should be. What I discovered was horrifying - and I am going to pray for her immortal soul for having done it.
So... This weekend I'm going to try to relax and get some much needed stuff done around the house. If you don't hear from me for a day or two, that's why. Tomorrow is going to be a horrible day at work too. When it's over I may just crash. I'm not in a good spot at the moment. I wish this was a more positive post - but if I'm not feeling shiny and happy I'm not good at faking it...