The Diet....

Since starting this blog I've contemplated whether or not I would share with you my adventures in weight loss. There have been so many adventures... All of which work temporarily - but I always end up gaining back even more weight. You've heard it a million times right? There should be a Yo-Yo Dieters Anonymous. Seems to work for alcoholics. 

In no way did I want this to be a weight loss blog - and I still don't. My weight doesn't define me. But it does affect me. It affects who I date, it affects a person's first impressions of me, it even affects my career. In many ways. 

People aren't supposed to discriminate right? Well, they do. You won't ever change that. I don't have a problem with me but far too many other people do. 

*cue "It doesn't matter what people think of you" speech.* 

Yes, it really does matter what others think of you.

Other people can choose not to hire you. Other people can choose to treat you poorly. Other people can choose others to date instead of you. Some people will think certain things about you simply because of your weight - which can lead them to do many other things. Other people can make your life miserable. 

People who haven't dealt with a serious weight problem most of their lives will likely try to argue this point with me vehemently. My advice to them would be thus: Put on a 400 pound fat suit and try to live your life normally for the next week. (And NO I don't weigh 400 pounds!) Go to job interviews, go on dates, go out to dinner, go shopping, go to clubs. See what happens and then come back and argue with me. You might not need more than a day of this before you'll begin to understand.... The world is completely different when you are *gasp* considered to be amongst the dreaded morbidly obese population.

You see - I am a lover of food. I like to eat it. All different kinds of it. It's always there. If I need it, there's always some place I can run to and get it. Hell, I can even get it without having to get out of my car. You can't even get toilet paper at a drive through - yet.... 

I don't consider myself an emotional eater - but perhaps I just don't see it. At least... that's what my shrink said... 

I go places specifically for the food ie: weddings, receptions, baby showers, the fair, certain parts of town, etc... Honestly - I'd rather shoot myself in the foot than go to someone's wedding shower. I hate wedding showers. But if they've got good food.... 

I've not found much in life more gratifying, satisfying and any other word ending in -ing you can think of - than food. From the spinach chicken enchilada's and handmade tortilla chips at Aunt Chilada's to the grilled artichokes and chocolate soufflé at The Yardhouse. It's readily available, affordable and always happy to see me. I'd love shopping if I had money to keep up with my champagne tastes on my beer budget. Food is far more affordable. Even the most expensive restaurants are more affordable than that Louis Vuitton bag I want. People are finicky, back-stabbing and cruel. Food has no issues with you. 

I could go on and on... but I'll spare you.... heh. 

Back to the blog post thing: The Diet... I'm starting a new one. I'm probably not going to tell you how much I weigh, I'm probably not going to share my measurements with you. Heck, I'm probably not even going to tell you right now which diet I'm doing. I don't want to jinx it... 

Sometimes we just need a little extra motivation to get us where we want to go in life. Sometimes we need a swift kick in the pants. I kinda got both... 

The extra motivation: Hawaii this summer. 

The swift kick in the pants: heel spurs and back problems that won't go away. 

The Fix: Lose weight. 

Duh... 

My favorite thing about doctors is that they all think they are telling me something new. Each and every one of them. Like I woke up this morning and viola! All this weight just appeared! Let me share with you some of the suave ways my various physicians of the past have broken this devastating news to me:

"You really need to think about losing some weight."

Thank you Captain Obvious! 

"Well I'm not saying that you have heel spurs and back problems because your overweight... but it would help if you lost some weight." 

Well, Little Miss Doctor Lady... That's easy for YOU to say. Skinny bitch. (I didn't say it - but I thought it. & for the record - I have nothing against skinny people... other than their metabolisms :)

 "You're never gonna lose that weight without surgery. You need surgery now."

Because people don't do it everyday. Jerk.

"You are SUCH a beautiful girl! If you lost that weight you'd be an absolute knock-out!" 

o.O

I had to keep the Diva in me from knocking that certain skinny bitch OUT. If a friend said that to me - I'd get what she was saying. You and I, Dr. Skinny - are not friends. Now give me my xanax and no one gets hurt... 

{photo cred}
I want one... Of those signs that is!

There's a few examples... Those aren't even the worst. So now you know my secret... I'm fat :)