I fought it... I didn't want to be on medication for the rest of my life. But what a difference being back on anti-depressants has made for me. I look back at some of the things I did and thought while I was off of them and damn... I made bad choices. I did - and especially thought - some things that are completely out of character for me.
I'm happy to report that I am finally out of that depression hole I was in. My life isn't perfect - of course - but it doesn't feel completely hopeless anymore either. The sense of desperation that was haunting me over the state of my life is almost gone, and fading by the day. I no longer feel the urge to do something drastic in an attempt to change my life, like moving to another state. Again. The anxiety I felt about not being where I wanted to be at this point in my life is gone too - and I am able to recognize that I am doing things that will get me where I want to go. It just isn't going to happen overnight. I am fully capable of accomplishing all I want in this life - and I will.
Now it's time to get back to being Me. Strong minded, goal-oriented, always-goes-after-and-gets-what-she-wants Me. I am not depression, I am not anxiety. Those are things I have to deal with, but they don't define Me. I define Me - and I'm wonderful.
