Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I cannot BELIEVE this is happening again!



My patience wears thin...

For those of you following my on-going health saga - there are new developments. To those of you who don't care to read about my lady problems & the hell that is my life because of them - this is your cue to stop reading. You have been warned...

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So I am now almost 7 months post-op and guess what... If you guessed my bleeding problem has returned, you guessed right. You win nothing. Sorry.

You know what else? It never really fully stopped. It slows down to close to nothing and then sometimes it even stops for a few days - but it always came back. There's no rhyme or reason to it. There's no stopping it. And now it is again growing to a problem of epic proportions. It was manageable before. It would get bad with too much physical exertion or stress. But now? We're back to square one: pre-op style bleeding. I've been this way for a month now. A MONTH! Come on...

If you are wondering if I've bothered to go to my doctor, the answer is yes. And guess what else... there's nothing she can do for me. She shrugged her shoulders & said "we can try birth control pills..."

No. Lady... the problem is that I'm not functioning normally somehow and you want to give me pills that by their VERY DESIGN are intended to jack up the natural order of things in there? ARE YOU STUPID?!? I did allow another round of large doses of hormones in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. Just like last time, all that did was make me sick... I think it even made it worse. I had this episode 2 weeks ago where I was fairly certain that my insides were going to fall out. It was a pain that I have never experienced before - and I've had some pretty severe pain with this before. This time, the pain in my stomach was so bad it began shooting down my legs and into my feet. It woke me out of a dead sleep. The "medical professionals" tell me what I experienced was just like labor pains. Except, labor eventually stops - this hasn't really. And at the end of labor you have this cute little thing to play with and hold and raise until it's old enough to care for itself... They say that the love and happiness a mother feels toward her newborn infant after it's born makes her forget just how awful and excruciatingly painful an experience child birth was for her. Isn't that nice? That nature would do that for us? What did I do to piss off nature??? With this I have the complete opposite of that - I have nothing. I get the pain, with no bundle of joy as a result. I don't even have anyone to hold my hand.

Do you know what this has done to me? I can't even have a life. Can you even begin to fathom it? I get so mad when I hear women complain about their once a month periods... "Oh! Once a month I'm bloated, moody and bleed for 7 days! I won't let my husband touch me! It's so terrible! POOR ME!!!"

Oh, really? You think that makes you hardcore? You think THAT'S terrible? Do you know what I would do for a normal cycle? I would do some things I'd not be proud of afterward. That's what... TRY BLEEDING HEAVILY FOR 6 STRAIGHT MONTHS!!! Take your measly 7 days, multiply your symptoms by like - a zillion - then add on some constant labor pains, anemia, dehydration, chronic fatigue and - oh! Try to hold down a full-time job at a hospital while you're at it!

And that husband? You can forget about having one of those. Unless he's got a strange blood fetish, you're gonna be alone. In fact, you don't even get to date. Nobody wants to date a bleeder, I don't care how wonderful a personality you have. You can also add in some constant worry about whether or not this means you'll never even be able to have children of your own - THEN remember that it doesn't matter because no man wants to be with a constant bleeder. You experience all that without killing yourself, THEN you can come commiserate with the big girls.

I have no idea what to do - I just want my life back. I'm so completely and totally done with this... I vent about it online because no one wants to listen to me complain about this in my real life. In fact, the internet probably doesn't even want to hear me complain about this. It's terrible. How awkward of a topic is this? Yet it consumes my entire life. Most people look at me like I'm crazy when they ask me what's wrong and I tell them the truth. So I've become a pro at faking "fine"...

"Hey! How are you, Heather?
"Fine!"
Because you don't really want me to answer that question, Random Person!

I'm just done... I don't know what to do. I've changed my diet (several times). I've tried all the natural remedies I could come up with. I'm losing weight - the general consensus of my team of "medical professionals" is that this is happening to me because I'm fat. I think they are full of shit - but I'm doing Weight Watchers to prove them wrong. Other than that they just shrug their shoulders at it and me... Don't know... don't know what's causing it, don't know what to do about it. Sorry!

So this is just it I suppose... 

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