Saturday, March 10, 2012

Porcelain in a Paper Cup World

Note***That title has absolutely nothing to do with this post. But it's my favorite quote from the song below. Whatch the video. It's epic.***




My first week of work went quite well. In fact - it went unexpectedly well. The company I'm working for is sooooo much better than the last one! They care about their employees and their clients. It's quite refreshing after what I had to put up with over the past 4 years. There's potential for growth and far more room for personal creativity. There's also no helicopter boss. That's the best part. I'm free to do my job and I do it well. 

The 2nd best part is that we don't accept Medicaid. These people are responsible for paying for their own drug addiction treatment. This means that most of them are there because they actually WANT to get sober. Not because they've been court ordered to get sober or because the heroin supply is running dry. We have a few exceptions - but for the most part the clientele is far better. After 4 years of entitled Medicaid patients, I am overjoyed to be working with a different population. 

Now don't get me wrong - I don't have a problem with people who are on Medicaid... temporarily. But I DO think that it would only be fair for the government to drug test them before they are approved for it. And randomly tested from there on out. I have to be drug tested before I can get a job to pay my taxes to pay for their Medicaid. Fair is fair. What's that you say? They are protected by the Americans with Disability Act? I have a disability too. I'm fucking crazy. But I still get up and go to work every day. 

Now that I've gotten that out of my system... How about some music?

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Thursday, March 8, 2012

I best tidy up my head...

I am contemplating cancelling my trip to Toronto in May. At least, I'd like to anyway...

I purchased the non-refundable airline tickets. I anticipated myself wanting to cancel this trip and I was trying to head myself off at the pass. 

In retrospect, that was dumb. REALLY dumb. 

Why put myself into a position in which I have no choice but to go see a Boy who appears to be completely unconcerned with whether I come to visit him or not? There's the yoga retreat of course - which is the reason I wanted to go in the first place. But what am I going to do with the rest of the week? 

I don't want to go. 

Instead I could go to some gorgeous tropical island and have a cabana boy bring me fruity drinks in coconut shells with pretty pink umbrellas... or go home to visit my family back in Georgia... and take them all to those gorgeous Florida beaches I am missing so much... or better yet - take my niece to meet them all AND go to those gorgeous Florida beaches I am missing so much... or buy myself a new friggin' wardrobe... or go on a cruise... 

But no, I get to spend my week of vacation time this year in Toronto. Like it or not. With or without The Boy. I'm leaning toward without.

Now I think I may be spending some time on the phone with the airline trying to convince them to give me my money back... 

I simply don't think that I should spend so much money and time going on a trip to see someone who seems to simply not that care much either way... 

I have far better things to do with my time and money.

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Friday, March 2, 2012

I am SO blessed y'all!

Greetings from Southern California!

I'm on a mini-vacay to get my dose of Sunshine from my amazing niece. And I am feeling so amazingly wealthy - even though there's only a couple of bucks in my wallet.

You see....

I am so blessed - so blessed with friendship, with family and good fortune. For the first time in my life, I really feel like The Universe is finally working in my favor. If I had only realized sooner - that the path to my future was there, I just had to take it. I had to choose it. I had to do something scary, something bold to get it started.

You see, I have realized an extremely important life lesson over the past month: I have realized that in order to move forward & be able to accept what The Universe has in store for you - you have to get rid of what's holding you back. If you have bad things, negative people & negative things that you're clinging to for whatever reason - fear, doubt, etc - then you have no room in your life for the good things that want to come your way. And good things DO want to come your way, my friends. And they will!

On February 8th of this year I abruptly quit a job I'd despised for the better part of 4 years. A job I kept because I was scared of being jobless, penniless - I was afraid of starting over. I was afraid of shaking up my otherwise fairly good life.

But the filth from being unhappy and in a negative situation for so long was taking over. I barely knew myself anymore. I was sick all the time. I was miserable at the very core of my being. The Universe kept the good away - because it's likely I wouldn't have seen it anyway, all wrapped up in my self-loathing & feeling "stuck".

I don't know exactly what made me make that decision to quit that job on the 8th of February. But whatever it was, it was right. Even if I was lying in a ditch under a bridge somewhere right now I'd tell you I'd still made the right decision.

That was the day I declared my independence. The day I decided that my life is about me & realized that i'd allowed my story to be dictated on someone else's terms. Not my own. And my friends, no one, no job, nothing should dictate your life but you. You are the rider up there on the fickle horse called Life. You and only you. If you listen to yourself & what Life is telling you, remain in tune with Life, give him all the right signals & treat him with respect - if you do those things, Life will work for you. Sure, Life may get spooked sometimes - and those are the times when you must keep your cool. And remember: in this ride called Life you must keep your heels down & your head up - because when you look down - you go down. If you do fall down - no big deal. Do what you have to do. Dust yourself off, make sure nothing's broken & climb right back up on that horse.

Now that I've gotten the metaphors out of my system, I have good news! I am no longer unemployed! I have 2 amazing friends who found out I was jobless & went out on a limb to help me. And I'm happy to tell you that I now have two jobs! One starts Monday & I will be counseling heroin addicts in a similar setting as I was before - but my new boss & co-workers are amazing! I loved the vibe I got from everyone when I went in to interview. I'll be back with the co-worker who helped keep me sane over the 4 terrible years at my previous job. I was without her for a little over a month before I left that job & I missed her dearly!

This is a much better company with goals more in line with my own. My other job is a pool position in the behavioral health department at a local hospital. This positions holds amazing potential for me as well! Not only are they a great company to work for - but it's also an entirely new setting for me. I can't wait to get started! I'll be back with another former co-worker from my first job here in Phoenix. She is amazing & I'm so happy that our paths have crossed yet again.

So you see - I let go of what was holding me back & The Universe sent in its angels - 2 of my dearest friends & former co-workers - to guide me to my next stop on the way to where I'm going. It came back to me two-fold.

*Disclaimer: I am not encouraging anyone to just quit their jobs & shun their responsibilities. I wish things would've gone down differently - but it is what it is. And this month has been ridiculously hard with no income & a trip to Canada coming up. But I would like to challenge you to look at your life with new eyes. What things in your world are you hanging on to that need to go? Even if it's nothing more than purging your garage of the crap you don't need anymore. Set aside some time & JUST DO IT! Then let it be therapeutic for you. And enjoy yourself once it's been accomplished. Your world is full of possibilities. But you may need to take out the trash first.

& also - my niece sends her love! :)


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